My Mum Your Dad’s widower Roger shows why TV needs more male vulnerability

Dating is something Roger thought he’d never have to do again – his openness about losing his wife is touching and admirable

September 11, 2023 10:00 pm

On first impression, Roger – one of the parents dipping their toe into the world of middle-aged dating on ITV1’s My Mum, Your Dad – comes across as a confident, suave man. “Is Davina off the table?” he jokes with his 28-year-old daughter, Jess, who nominated him to take part in the new dating series. With his striking baby blue eyes, silver fox hair and charming smile, he looks like the impossible offspring of Richard Gere and Paul Hollywood. Indeed, upon meeting the programme’s host Davina McCall, he was the first one to go in with a hug.

But in the first episode, it didn’t take long for that positive, outgoing illusion to wear off.

At 58, he’s one of eight middle-aged single people chosen to (or, in Roger’s case, forced to, by his children) move into a beautiful manor house in the middle of the English countryside with the aim of reinvigorating their love lives. Some, like 53-year-old Sharon, have had bad experiences with dating and have been constantly cheated on. Others, like 44-year-old Natalie, have simply been expending all their energy on bringing up their children rather than dating. Roger’s story is a little different.

Eighteen months ago, his wife, Jo, died. The pair were on holiday in Italy when a spot behind her ear started bothering her. It turned out to be melanoma, and by the time she went for an appointment to get it checked out, the cancer had spread to her brain. “One day she was very tired, so I put her to sleep on the settee,” explained Roger while on a date with 51-year-old Caroline, his first in 37 years. “Obviously I should’ve phoned for an ambulance straight away. Basically, she never woke up again.”

It’s rare that we get to see men in their 50s be so vulnerable and honest on TV, but here was Roger, defying all expectations and laying his soul bare. The series doesn’t have an eventual winner, but in that moment, Roger became its hero.

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Reality TV is stuffed with sob stories, but Roger didn’t share his wife’s death for sympathy from viewers or to manipulate us. In fact, he didn’t really want to be on My Mum, Your Dad. “I didn’t really want to meet anyone,” he told producers before filming. “I’m going on the show to get some confidence.”

That lack of confidence was obvious as we spent more time with him. In the interviews with Jess he was jolly and self-assured, his jokes and fashionable attire (turn-up jeans, Doc Martens and a navy Polo Ralph Lauren shirt) belying his inner panic. But once she dropped him off and left him to his own devices, Roger became a bag of nerves.

In group conversations he was quiet and looked at the ground, avoiding direct answers to direct questions: when PE teacher Elliott asked the other blokes who had taken their fancy, Roger delivered an evasive “I’m at that stage in my life where I’m saying no to nothing.” His anxiety spilled over into verbal diarrhoea when chatting with Caroline, telling her how he uses his own toothbrush to brush the teeth of his daughter’s dog. Nice.

Endearingly, Roger was more honest with himself in his interviews – “I’m going to be a work in progress, I think,” he said ahead of his date. “Could be a car crash” – and watching him on screen from another house, Jess could see right through the brave face he was putting on. “It’s hard to see him struggling a little bit,” she said. “But there’s no handbook. No one turns up after your loved one has died and says, ‘Right, this is what you do’.”

Dating is hard at any age. It requires putting your ego on the line by asking strangers to evaluate you and taking the risk of rejection. It’s something Roger, who had already found love with his late wife, thought he would never have to do again. That he’s doing so on television will be inspirational to so many in the same position. I don’t think he’ll stay the course of the series – it’s clear from his date with Caroline that he’s not quite ready to move on – but I’m incredibly glad he gave the nation the chance to meet him.

If Your Mum, My Dad wants to prove that you’re never too old for a second shot at love, then consider the mission accomplished. Roger might not have found romantic love yet, but he’s certainly won the hearts of the nation.